Saturday, 18 January 2020

Feeling my edges


What a day of ups and downs, twists and turns, unexpected outbursts, and moments of bliss.
After a very blustery, rainy and therefore noisy night in the caravan I was in a rush to get ready and get out this morning. I drove to the Meeting House to light the fire, check the heating, and set up the room then on into Northallerton to collect Chris and Jaqui. They were in Lakeland worshipping items! I drove us to the house so that they could see how we are living at the moment. This was heartening as they could see the potential, could see what a huge project it had become, and yet were still encouraging! We had lunch in the Joiners Shop and caught up on each other's news but mostly discussed the course, and how to release Adam (that sounds like he's in prison! but it's simply that he's decided to leave the course and we want to recognise his being part of it, part our study group, and for me also my peer mentor/study buddy.
On arriving at the Meeting House I messaged Adam to see if he was available to Skype with us but got no reply. Jane Skyped in at 2 pm initially suggesting that she would be with us for about 20 minutes. Over 1.5 hours later we finally let her go. I did a lot of raging, ranting, and crying. I got cross with her for justifying, for patronising me, and for passively hearing but not responding to our concerns. I know that I have to do my own work but I feel wounded and frustrated. Anyway, we finally got to a place of better understanding once Jane shared with us that it was the first year they were using Slack, having a residential course, and working with a smaller group of participants. Add to that it's Jane's first time tutoring the course.

After this intense session we pulled on our hiking boots and went out. I took Chris and Jaqui up to the field behind the Garth, collected some spring water for Chris' ceremony, then up to Lady Chapel. By the time we returned we were warmed up, ready for a snack, and emotionally refreshed.

We spent the final hour of our time together going through our ceremonies. I started as mine is the least-formed (or amoebic as I describe it!). It was so helpful to talk it through. See separate post about my first ceremony.

Next Jaqui shared hers, which is a New Year ceremony to help us acknowledge what has been, bid it farewell, and then step into the future.

We ended with Chris's ceremony, which is a water ceremony to acknowledge and share our tears, our griefs.


Reflecting on the day I am surprised by my moments of negativity, delighted by my capacity to bounce back, and curious to explore my ceremony ideas, the suggestions from Chris and Jaqui, and how I can develop the tools I need to keep myself safe, to immerse myself without losing myself. 

Monday, 6 January 2020

Earth based Paths - submitted assignment


Earth Based Reflections
To help me respond to the questions posed I am beginning with a summary of this faith path as I currently understand it.

Earth-based traditions/faith paths do not separate religion from life, community, nature or spirit. They are at the root of all humanity, preceding organised religion, literacy, and technology but to describe them as “primitive”, base, or somehow less worthy than more recent forms of worship and community is unhelpful and, in my humble opinion, wrong.

Earth religions are all grounded in a deep relationship with the combined material and spiritual energies of the Earth. Thus they are sometimes described as nature worship, veneration of natural phenomena, involved with the preservation of the Earth. Types of earth religion include:

·       Paganism
·       Pantheism
·       Neopaganism
·       Pantheon based Paganism
·       Eclectic Paganism (Odin, Hera, Celtic)
·       Matriarchal religion 
·       Goddess worship
·       Wicca, Druidry, Asatru (Norse)

The distinction between Earth Religion and Christianity, Judaism, and Islam is not clear-cut or complete. In my own understanding it is only that the Abrahamic religions sought to separate God (Spirit) from the Earth (matter) whilst still celebrating that of God in every living thing.

This severing of God from Nature has, I believe, come from fear, from not understanding that God/the Divine/Spirit/Infinite Intelligence is part of everything and everything is part of God. There is no actual separation, simply a misplaced understanding that we must try to keep them apart. But, so long as religion acknowledges the divine essence inherently present in all beings, it is not my concern!
Quoting from the Companion Book One: “spiritual resurgence of the earth based traditions: Neo-Paganism, Wicca, Neo-Shamanism etc., some based on historic knowledge, some on intuited or channelled knowledge, but all grounded in a deep relationship with the material and spirit energies of the Earth. “
So to the questions!
a)     What has attracted you within this faith/path, and how can you ‘apply’ this within your own journey? 
I am instinctively drawn towards this path, sensing ancestral ties and past lives’ connections to many of the aspects. It allows me, even demands my attention, to be focussed on where I am in the world, the global atrocities all around and yet also the inherent beauty, the sheer joy of Creation. I feel increasingly called to pour salve on the wounds and weep for the wounded ones and also to draw others’ attention to the sanctity of all life. I “know” that there is no distinction between spirit and matter, between the personal and the political, between me and nature, and this liberates me from the chains of previous church experiences, dogma, and patriarchy.
I walk daily, usually with our dog who is one of my greatest teachers, and drink in the nectar that is within my surroundings. I crouch down to investigate feathers, fungi, tree stumps, and insects; I peer up through the skeletal canopy of the deciduous oaks, elms and birches, and I laugh as I observe the antics of neighbourhood squirrels, rabbits, blackbirds, starlings, rooks, and sparrows. I usually take a few photos and then sit with them afterwards, recalling my response to nature and then creating a collage to share with friends so that they might be included in my worship. I have started using a Country Wisdom & Folklore Diary to help me tune into phases of the moon, changes in season, and the various dates that are significant within this faith path.
My ancestral connections are both known and felt. I know that I have ancient Celtic, Viking, and Anglo-Saxon roots, and I feel strongly that I have connections with the Romani people and also with Yiddish culture. These roots act increasingly as guy ropes, thanks to this Gateway. Whilst I have always felt these pulls I have hidden from them as they have never sat comfortably with my mother’s strong Christian faith nor have they sat at all comfortably with my father’s desire to better himself, hoping to find ancestry that connects him to royalty and actually discovering instead that his great grandfather was a sewage cleaner in Jesmond! Now I am beginning to get my balance, leaning on my chosen ancestors, yet respecting those other ancestors, past and present.
It is liberating for me to enter into this dialogue with all beings, regardless of attachments, not caring if there is a gender or sexuality, politics or education hook. I cannot say that I found my spiritual home yet as I feel sure I am not meant to be alone but I have not discovered others with whom to travel in my local area. I have an inkling that I might need to offer something in my own community but I will begin by connecting with those I have tracked down in Sunderland, Saltburn, and Whitby.
b) What has challenged you within this faith/path and what are you ‘doing’ now within your OneSpirit journey inwardly and outwardly to address this challenge within yourself? 
Most immediately I need to work through my feelings about Huna, the Ho’oponopono process, and my mistrust regarding the authenticity of Huna as described by Jane Lewis. Whilst I appreciate that we can glean goodness from far and wide I am disappointed that, rather than engage with a local Druid, witch, pagan or Glastofarian, we had an example of a faith path (apparently) from thousands of miles away. I think it’s the dishonesty that disturbs me. We were told that there had to be a lot of secrecy surrounding Huna due to its troubled past and the challenge of keeping it pure but personally I would have been more convinced if we had been told the truth, warts and all. There was a lot of universal appeal to appreciate, particularly the blessing of the elements. The Ho’oponopono process was unnecessarily dropped in at the end of the session, the facilitator knew nothing of our backgrounds nor of the heightened emotional states that several of us were already in by this point. Her inability to offer healing or talk through the difficulties combined with her lack of humility when challenged about the language of forgiveness and its inherent everyday link to fault/blame left me feeling very unsafe. It was helpful to discover later that others within Huna recommend using “release” instead of “forgiveness”. According to Dr Matt James, Huna practitioner:
“Ho‘oponopono is about release. Releasing pain from the past that enslaves you in the present. Releasing old perceptions of those you love, so your relationships are alive and fresh. Even releasing those who have died so your grief can shift into a new appreciation.” 
And therapists working with victims/survivors of abuse would agree:
Forgiveness is increasingly popular in therapy as a way to facilitate healing, but there are definitional discrepancies and confusion regarding the degree to which it is conceptualized as either an interpersonal/relational or an independent/self-enhancing process. In this article forgiveness is conceptualized as an interpersonal process linked to apology or contrition on the part of the offender. Yet it is also independent. A model is described that was developed for the benefit of abuse victims whose offenders will not or cannot apologize. Using the model, victims can accomplish for themselves what would be accomplished for them through an apology.
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/227216833_Therapeutic_Forgiveness_Developing_a_Model_for_Empowering_Victims_of_Sexual_Abuse
The healing I now recognise that I need is to forgive myself, release myself from the past and then move forward. I acknowledge that the Huna session has caused an inner shift which will ultimately be beneficial to me. However that is not to excuse the session’s effects on me and on other participants. I acknowledge that I have a heightened sense of justice and I do not apologise for that. I will always call out practice that falls short, that puts people at risk, particularly when there is no timely resolution offered. I would always expect that of myself and I will use this as a teachable moment to reflect on and to inform my future practice.
c)     What would you say, if asked as a student of OneSpirit, is the essence of this path in your own words and understanding? 
Earth based spirituality, earth religion, the Order of the Sacred Earth – the loving response of humanity to the Creator as experienced through all of Creation; this might be expressed through caring for the planet, spiritual activism, giving thanks to the elements that uphold humanity, invoking the spirits that breathe within, in between, all around nature to help heal, connecting with ancestors. Followers/believers/activists honour the Earth as a conscious being; they celebrate ALL life as sacred.
d)    Having now experienced this particular faith/path through the lens of this course, notice how something has shifted in terms of your worldview or identity. How has this encounter altered your perception or awareness in some way?  

I have become fully conscious of being drawn to earth-based spirituality, of wanting to open my heart to the call of Gaia. I am currently viewing all religions, all ways of life through this lens, wondering how there can be anything other than earth based as it is clear to me that all organised religions have their roots in Sacred Earth and any severing of these roots comes from a fear of the unknown, or rather of what has been forgotten. I am acutely aware that I have only just set foot in full consciousness into this landscape and I will be seeking to gain deeper understanding over the coming months.

Sunday, 5 January 2020

Am I a "being" who is "doing" or can I fully embrace "being"

It's the old story of Mary and Martha, of being the one who is busy fussing around Jesus trying to be the perfect hostess rather than the one who actually sees Jesus and is present with him. I still find myself wanting to argue that "stuff needs to be done" whilst jealously observing Mary who is at peace with herself and with Jesus, not needing to prove anything.

In order to embrace being I need to be ready to listen, to feel, to open myself fully to both the present moment and the infinity of Spirit... That's going to take some work!

There is a lot of mention on the course of "mindfulness", which is great and yet... I worry that it is often used as shorthand and isn't thought through. I keep writing sentences and deleting them as I can't find a way to explain my feelings. I know that it became very trendy to say "we must be mindful" instead of "we need to consider..." as if by changing the word we were suddenly becoming better, more thoughtful, and more inclusive.

Anyway, I have been using the term "beingful" in place of it. For me this calls me to attention, requires me to be fully present - mind, yes but also body and spirit. I am asked to show up with how I am feeling physically, mentally/psychologically, emotionally, spiritually and also to be aware of how my environment is.

“The Mantra of Stress” by Ronald E Purser in Watkins Mind Body Spirit issue 60

Saturday, 4 January 2020

The Beginning - 2020 marks the start, albeit already partway through, of my One Spirit training

So I should have started this journal back in October. I didn't. I did start it yesterday but on a different site which promptly failed to save my ramblings. No matter.
At the First Gateway we explored faith paths - worldview, creation, the vision of our inquiry into faith paths, including shadow work. 
We looked at the foundations of ceremony, life as ceremony, biography as oracle, including later life identity, and lifelines. But what IS biography as oracle? And if we did explore later life identity why can't I remember anything about it?!
We began Spiritual Counselling Foundation Skills by looking at spiritual practice, general overview and philosophy of OneSpirit's approach - "choice" at the centre; creating sacred space; contracting.
But that's all according to the written programme. What I actually recall us doing is being introduced to Steiner's Subsidiary Exercises, renamed "Power Seeds" by Christopher, practising meditating on inanimate objects, sitting in pairs (but not sitting any old way! We had to place our chairs with the front right leg of each chair touching so that we were "facing" but not facing one another...), sharing our life stories which we had sketched out on Flipchart paper (some participants had done amazingly artistic illustrations whereas I had really struggled to use anything other than black and red pen and had then dissolved into tears. Anyway here are some of the notes I took:
SPIRITUAL PRACTICE Examples:
  • forgiveness
  • meditation
  • fasting
  • gratitude
  • spiritual direction
  • prayer
  • dance, such as Biodanza and Five Rhythms
  • listening
  • journalling
Ways in which we describe what we are doing:
  • plugging in
  • repairing the world - care for Nature, Mother Earth, Gaia
  • marking time - with a ritual or habit; rhythm
  • showing up; connecting with the Divine; being present
  • elevating the mundane
SPIRITUAL HYGIENE
There are three elements - content, ideas, and action. We need to open up possibilities - there will be mistakes, stumbling blocks.

Can I do it as I intend to, for as long as, and in the way in which, I choose

Need to make it manageable - what, when, and how;
Need to take personal responsibility;
Aim for 30 minutes daily - perhaps broken down into 3 x 10 minutes

WHOLARCHY
The main world religions are hierarchical in structure and in behaviour. God is at the pinnacle, then there are angels/spirits/guides, then there are priests, then people, then animals, and finally plants. But there is another way of approaching religion/spirituality and that is with an understanding that we are all part of God, that God is part of everything. Wholism seeks the integration of body, mind, and spirit, regarding all that is sacred as ordinary, and all that is ordinary sacred.

There are three elements:
  1. AWAKENING TO GOD - into something deeper
  2. ONENESS IN GOD - healing, "God-ing"
  3. SERVICE WITH GOD  - heart space, being present and available
Learn your theories as best you can yet put them to one side when you see the beauty of the human should (Carl Jung)

SACRED CONVERSATION 
This is the chosen term within our tribe to be used instead of "spiritual counselling" as several participants have no experience of counselling (either giving or receiving) and also we all wanted to keep it on an even footing since we will be providing this support for one another.

What is it?
It is taking tea with grace! It is pouring light into, opening up, HEART SPACE, bringing it upwards. It is done with unconditional love, it is reciprocal, non-judgmental, and it honours, offers humility, compassion, forgiveness(?), generosity, calm, and soothing.

I need to set the parameters in my daily life that allow me to move into the space for sacred conversation. Elements required:
  • SPACE - room, candle, incense
  • TIME - be clear with others that I am not available
  • WHAT DO WE EACH NEED? Silence, reading, music...
  • Perhaps also need to include time for checking in, chatting - ensure clearly framed

Self-directed Learning Project


I have been contemplating this and decided that, for once in my life, I am going to choose to honour my needs and desires rather than going for the project that will cause me immense suffering without any promise of relief at the end of it. I am going to start writing a book, or at least a story, with the aim of getting it published.

In order to achieve this I need to set out an outline, and find both a workspace and time!

So now I have committed to it by writing it down here for anyone to see. Not that anyone will probably be reading my ramblings but you never know!