Reflection on creating first ceremony

Reflection

As soon as we were informed about the first ceremony assignment, using earth-based faith paths, I knew that I wanted to focus on the hawthorn tree and on healing. I took the name Hawthorn as my business name back in 2000 having discovered the Ogham alphabet and symbolism in a little shop called “Enchantment” which, at the time, was on Church Hill in Morningside, Edinburgh where I lived. Despite being born in early April I was drawn to the Huathe and when I read about its properties I knew that it was the one for me. Health with Hawthorn was founded as a health-and-wellbeing consultancy. I taught group exercise classes, one-to-one consultations, and facilitated workshops, guest-lectured, and created bespoke trainings for community and workplace groups. I wanted my business name to reflect my ethos, which has always been to nurture the whole person and to guide each person to become more capable of making wiser choices about their wellbeing, so hawthorn was a perfect fit. All parts of the tree can be used for healing, it is particularly useful for heart health, with its antioxidant properties, and it is renowned for its self-healing properties. I finally took the name as my own in 2009 following divorce.

I observe how hawthorns are usually present near standing stones and healing circles where rowans also grow; I notice them on hillsides growing in line with the prevailing winds, yielding yet not breaking: "no matter how the winds rail against you, even when they threaten to pull your roots from the earth, you stand your ground."

And I watch as they are manipulated into hedging, sliced almost all the way through their trunks (pleaching) and then bent horizontal and woven in with others. And as I do all of this I sit with my hawthorn-self and acknowledge how I sometimes feel about to break (but I don’t) and sometimes I am defensive and thorny but still blossom in the right conditions. I am noticing that I am starting to really offer myself the healing I desire for others and I am grateful, I lean in and I breathe out the affirmation: My heart has been opened, the transformation is underway!

And as I have worked on creating this ceremony I have loved intertwining the different aspects of my life, my skills, and experience. I am excited at the prospect of offering the ceremony in my community in the future. I have also been surprised and delighted by how I have responded to my study buddies, both as we have explored their ceremonies and as they have guided and supported me with mine. It has been illuminating, humbling, and an immense privilege.

I have shared my preparations with my sister, my mother, and my husband by allowing them to read this document and I hope to speak with them in depth as the opportunity arises. I want to make the time to share it with my father (he’s away just now) who has always been a bit upset that I didn’t revert to his family name but chose to claim my own. I sense that this might well become part of the naming ceremony work I do!

Hawthorn Heart-Healing Ceremony

Time of year: can be used any time of the year but is especially powerful in May, at Beltane, during the 6^thmonth of the Celtic calendar

Setting: around a hawthorn tree if possible. If indoors have a central tree shape (use hawthorn branches, etc)

Purpose and intention:  small group heart healing – for the emotional, physical and spiritual hurts we carry

Note: this ceremony can be adapted for use as a Community Healing Ceremony in times of community challenges

Ceremonial elements: welcome and introduction, grounding and invocation, song, acts of personal protection and healing, readings, body prayer, sharing the healing cup, dance and closing

Ingredients:  service sheet with the song, Ogham symbol, and the group responses;

candles - one large central candle in a lantern if outdoors, one taper, tealights (in jars if outdoors) for each participant; 

hawthorn thorns, berries, tea, roots, bark, branches, leaves, and flowers (only very dilute form due to potency of hawthorn for some people!);
if these elements are not available, consider using rose. Do ensure
there are thick gloves available so that nobody pricks their finger

hawthorn tree if outdoors, small tubs of earth for each person and a bowl of water for washing hands; three readers (can be done by one person)

Key:   words in black are spoken by the celebrant; words in purple are spoken by all participants; words in green, brown and blue are for the three readers

METHOD

Welcome & introduction to themes and what to expect! (allay fears)

Welcome to this healing ceremony. I invite you to participate in whatever way feels right for you in the moment, actively or simply by being present. You will not be required to DO anything yet the invitation is there to sing, dance, sit, stand, lie down, and to speak.

Should you feel overwhelmed, return to your breath, take a step back (or push your chair back a little) and simply notice how you are feeling. You are welcome to take time out and return as well but do let the person next to you know so that we know you are ok.

Grounding & Invocation - Celebrant invites all by saying:

Just for this moment, lay aside your ordinary life and step into this extraordinary circle

Just for this moment, let the burdens of your heart rest in the shelter of this circle

Just for this moment, hand over your worries and let joy bubble up from your toes, spreading through your body and radiating out through your being to touch one another round the circle

Just for this moment, breathe in love and breathe out love in this healing circle

Just for this moment put down the heaviness of the world and welcome Spirit into this circle.

All together:          I Open my Heart, Let the Transformation begin!

We open our Hearts, Let the Transformation begin!

Instructions (where possible thorns and berries will be harvested for this)

We will move slowly into and around the circle as we
chant or speak these words carrying hawthorn thorns,
berries, leaves, twigs. 

Take your time to slow down, allow yourself to connect
with the ground beneath your feet, the air around you,
and the breath within you

Chant the first verse of Hawthorn Heart Song (Saliha 2012)

(Use the first line repeated to simplify – it can still be harmonised and sung in a round)

and start to walk slowly into the circle carrying the hawthorn thorns and berries

You grow my heart (6x)

[Heart-light flowing out to connect with all beings]

Once everyone has settled into the circle, allow the chant to continue a few more times and then return to silence

[Low lighting]   

Protection (if ceremony indoors - each person will have a little pot of earth in which to bury their paper):

Thorns might bring to mind wounding (Jesus’ crown of thorns)
and hindering access (the prince trying to reach Sleeping Beauty!;
hedging) and we will come back to this shortly, yet thorns are present
in order to protect the tree from plant-eating animals and symbolically
the thorns of the hawthorn represent the psychic protection needed for
all spiritual journeys.

Who/what do you feel that you need protecting from today?
Write or draw on a piece of paper - this is for your eyes only. 

I invite you now to place a thorn on the paper, fold the paper
up as small as you like and bury it near the roots of the hawthorn
(or in your pot of earth)

Celebrant speaks the words of the second verse of the Hawthorn Heart Song then all invited to sing it before returning to silence.

You hold my heart (6x)
[Deep within your own glowing centre]

SILENCE after the following words:

Sometimes thorns can cause harm to ourselves or to others.
In silence let us take a few moments to meditate on times,
places and people where this has happened in our lives.

So now we will pour the healing balm of light on to these
thorny parts of ourselves.

As you are ready please take your tealight to the central candle
and, using the taper, light your tealight.

Return to the circle placing your lit candle over the buried thorns
and paper (either on the ground if outside or on top of the
earth-filled pot if inside).

As you settle back into the circle, I invite you to say your name
and, if you are comfortable to, speak into the healing circle what
it is that you desire healing.

Leave a pause before moving on to the next verse of the song

Celebrant speaks the third verse once then everyone invited to sing it

You heal my heart (6x)
[Holding shadow and light in the centre of our one heart]

Celebrant introduces the readings:

Hawthorn (Crataegus oxyacantha) is often called the May Tree. It is connected with the 6th month of the Celtic Tree calendar, (May 13-June 9). The young leaves were traditionally known as “bread and butter” as farm workers would pick them and chew on them to stave off hunger pangs as they did the early morning milking before breakfast.

Hawthorn is used for hedging, creating boundaries. Its trunk can be cut through to allow it to bend to horizontal allowing plants to be interwoven. It then grows back along the trunk, unharmed by this seemingly brutal action. It is believed that it was hawthorn that was used to make the crown of thorns worn by Jesus. Now we hear more about the hawthorn and why we are using it:

FIRST VOICE: 

Hawthorn reminds us that love can be beautiful, and to beware its hidden thorns. If this feels significant to you today you may need to look into matters of the heart. Like the hawthorn tree in flower, love is sometimes delightfully joyful. Long and steady relationships bear fruit that sustain us through life's cold and difficult passages. But beware the thorns hidden among the fruits and flowers. It has been said that a true lover's heart is always half broken, and that we tend to hurt those we love best.

SECOND VOICE: from OGHAM The Celtic Oracle by Peter Pracownik and Andy BaggottIntuition is the guide and protector on the spiritual path especially during times of dramatic change and growth. Listen to your heart, not your head, for the parts of your being that are wild and unconditioned by society have much to teach you at this time…Remember, everything is significant. An open heart nurtures an open mind.Huathe (PRONOUNCED Hoo-ah or Oo-ah)The Ogham symbol for hawthorn is used in Celtic Reiki and its essence represents the energy of cleansing and preparation. It clears the mind of negative thoughts and mental confusion, offering clarity. It gives patience and offers stillness.

THIRD VOICE: from THE CELTIC TREE ORACLE by Liz and Colin Murray: The Hawthorn card represents cleansing and chastity, bringing protection from the inner magical realms - in other words, a period of restraint, waiting or keeping oneself to oneself. Concentrate on mental rather than physical activity as a prelude to the spiritual fertilization, growth and harvesting what will follow, providing such preparation has been properly made as the pure white flowers of the Hawthorn turn to glowing red haws in the autumn

BODY PRAYER:    

Stand or sit as you are able and feel free to change position. The aim here is to move comfortably – think of all the different shapes that trees make – tall and bendy, short and solid, pollarded, missing limbs, etc.  All of us can be tree-like!·      What shape are you as a tree?

·      Are you strong, upright and even?
·      Are you leaning to the left? Or to the right?  

Perhaps this brings back memories, good or not-so-good, from Music and Movement at primary school! Notice this. Draw yourself up as tall as you can, visualising an upright tree tall and strong;Now be an unloved tree, bowed over, limp and weak  “You hold my heart” Feel your trunk filling with nutrients and feel those nutrients coursing through you until you find yourself upright and strong once againRepeat this sequence slowly and notice how your mood, your energy, your heart changes  “You grow my heart” Now lean out to the left with your left arm, letting your torso bend as well if this is comfortable for youReturn to the centre and then lean out to the right with your right armNow we hold hands and lean to the left, return to the centre and lean to the right (repeat a few times so long as all comfortable) “You heal my heart” 

SILENCE        Please sit, stand, walk, or lie down as we stay in silence for a few minutes

SPOKEN TOGETHER THREE TIMES SLOWLY:

I honour the energy of hawthorn for cleansing and restraint.

I will choose what I place within my body and empty myself of
all that violates my personal well-being.

Blessed be

Pray Peace

On your service sheet you have a picture of the Ogham symbol for H, the 6^th letter of the Celtic alphabet - Hawthorn (Hoo-ah) so let us draw this symbol in the air three times, reminding ourselves of the HEART, of HEALING, AND of HEALTH

Now stay seated or stand as you are comfortable:

·      Right hand across at heart level facing palm out to the left

·      Raise the left hand to meet the right in prayer position

·      Bring the hands across the body to the left staying in prayer position

·      Extend the right arm up to the sky and press the left hand down towards the earth

·      REPEAT THREE TIMES

Now we take the movement from the Ogham symbol to the theme of heart health and self-healing:

·      Bring the hands together in prayer, touching your thumbs to your solar plexus

·      Raise the hands to your throat chakra

·      Raise the hands to your Third Eye

·      Turn your palms up and look upwards

·      Return the hands together above your head

·      Return to the solar plexus

·      Take right hand on to abdomen and cover with the left

·      Cup your hands and visualise drawing out of your being all that you wish to be rid of, all that you desire to be cleansed of

·      Then turn the palms outwards and push away 

·      If standing, step your Right leg back as you bring the hands back in and take a deep breath in

·      Stay with Right leg back as you cup the hands again and, breathing out, push the hands away

·      Repeat once more

·      Now step the Right leg in and repeat the sequence with the Left leg back.

SHARING THE CUP

We now connect even more deeply with one another, sharing the Cup. 

·      Hawthorn tea protects us through its antioxidant properties;
it improves heart health, and reduces anxiety;

·      It supports matters of the heart – physical, emotional, and spiritual.

Please take the cup, sip the tea and hold the cup for a few moments, meditating on these properties. Then pass the cup with these words:

I share this healing cup with you, we are one

Allow for a period of silence, even if it is just a few moments

The circle is open as our hearts are now open. I invite you to speak to the circle, sharing what is in your heart. Indicate that you wish to speak by picking up your tealight (in tub if indoors). Place it down when you have finished. If there is felt to be a need for silence I will lift my tealight and hold it until the circle is clear again. After a period of time we will then move into the final verse of our Hawthorn Heart song:

CELEBRANT speaks the words then all join in singing (and dancing as moved):

Dance with my heart (6x)
We are one, we are dancing with the heart of all life

To close the ceremony the celebrant invites everyone to step forward together, pick up their tealight, hold it up high in gratitude to Spirit and to one another for this sacred space, then extinguish the light before replacing the tealight on the ground and stepping back.

CELEBRANT (with joy!):   “Our hearts have been opened,
the transformation is underway!”

And all respond by singing the final verse of the song as they turn and leave the circle.

Learning to forgive...myself

Forgiveness

Not understanding the true definition of the word, it brought to mind blame, shame and the need to apologise for having done something wrong. Having licked my wounds for several weeks it is as I read an article in The Guardian Weekend that change begins. In “Experience” this week Floyd Bledsoe shares his story of being framed by his brother for murder, who was also backed up by their parents. Now finally exonerated Floyd writes that he has seen his mother, now an elderly lady dying in hospital, and felt only compassion. His father was standoffish but, he writes:

I learned in prison that I had to forgive them and all the people who wronged me. I can’t let their actions control me. It’s a decision I make daily.

Bang! I am finally awake and ready to understand. That understanding is, of course, nothing to do with my head and everything to do with my deep wounds. Perhaps I am finally going to allow them to stop suppurating and start receiving the much-needed balm that will come from laying the ghosts to rest.

So what is forgiveness really all about? I researched this several weeks ago when I was still angry, hurt, upset and looking for validation. I read these two and dismissed them as they did not immediately tell me that the use of the term “forgiveness” had been inappropriate. Now I am reading them and feeling completely different:

Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. ...Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offences. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offence, lets go of negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance (however justified it might be), and with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), pardoning(granted for an acknowledged offense by a representative of society, such as a judge), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship). 

(see Wikipedia entry quoting from the American Psychological Association https://web.archive.org/web/20110626153005/http://www.apa.org/international/resources/forgiveness.pdf)

So now I want to probe more deeply into what it is that upset my equilibrium. It is comments such as: 

How do we know whether or not we have truly forgiven someone?
The answer is simple. Ask yourself if you can genuinely
thank this person or situation for the gift they gave you in life?
If the answer is "No", then you haven't forgiven them.

https://www.melanietoniaevans.com/articles/forgiveness.htm

This is the kind of pseudo-psychology that re-opens wounds, re-offends a person, and causes fresh hurt. As far as I understand it, were the person being forgiven still alive, I would be working towards wishing them well. I would be practicing a belief in restorative justice and in everyone’s ability to redeem themselves by learning and changing their behaviour. What I would not be doing is actively thanking them for what they had done to me in my life. I can learn from the wounds inflicted and use what I learn for good but that is distinctly different from actively being glad or grateful for what happened.

In my experience I have been directly hurt by various people and events. One person is dead. I am not grateful to him for anything but I can feel myself starting to let go of the intensity of pain, knowing that I won’t ever forget but knowing too that I don’t need to hold on to it as if I deserve to continue hurting.

My equilibrium was also knocked off balance because there has never been an admittance of guilt on the perpetrators’ side. As I said one person is dead so cannot be faced with anything, the other individuals are not in my life and I have no intention of seeking them out. So that means I need to get to a place where I can let go of the need for them to admit guilt, ask for forgiveness, or be seen to be redeeming themselves. And to do that I need to ask myself that tough question – why do I need that external validation, public confession, or whatever it is that I seem to need? The answer is obvious – I need to value myself, believe my own truth, know my own reality. It is clear to me that herein lies my major challenge – I behave aggressively, defensively, and also childishly and pathetically (by this I mean that I will suddenly turn into a terrified, powerless child needing to be comforted, feeling very bad, and afraid of being in big trouble).

Looking at a current example:

·      AB unable to set dates and times for peer counselling due to – 

o   His sister suddenly becoming dangerously unwell

o   His mother having to sell their family home, requiring Adam to help her cope with both the practicalities and the emotions

o   Pain levels due to a back injury

·      AB deciding to leave the course meaning I need a new peer counsellor and our study group loses a member too

·      JS asking if I would work with NSH and then reporting back that NSH didn’t want to change again, having already had to change from having SD (who had been my mortal and NSH’s peer counsellor but left after the first residential)

Automatic reaction to all of the above – it’s not fair, why me?, it always happens to me. Well of course it does, nobody wants to work with me, I’m impossible, I’m such a bad, fat, ugly, difficult person…I shouldn’t make a fuss…

As I start to learn to change this automatic response, I can hear (read) and absorb the realities, which are mostly about what is happening to other people and sometimes those events bump into my events in my life. Roland sent me a really helpful message about how he has learned to deal with big challenges. He told me:

It's chaotic, nothing is ordained, nothing is intended, nothing is blamed. Collisions happen and don't happen randomly by chance. 

It really isn’t all about me! Now that I can absorb that I can read the messages from AB, JS, and CB differently. I realise that I can let the automatic voice have its say without letting it in. I can choose to let it slip past me barely noticed, giving me time, space and energy to observe the full picture. I found myself today feeling almost elated reading CB’s message:

I’m trying not to get too attached to the drama of it all…Trying to practice just being aware of impermanence… Besides what NSH feels, there’s also me and AO. I feel like I’ve expended quite a lot of energy getting our trio working, and we’re finally getting into the swing of it, so personally wouldn’t be happy for NSH to be moved yet again.

One day I will reach this place without these prompts perhaps but for now I am very grateful to my wonderful OneSpirit Tribe!